How to Talk to Your Partner(s) About STI Testing—Without the Shame

Let’s be honest: bringing up sexual health and potential sexually transmitted infections (STIs) with a partner can feel intimidating. Having an open conversation about STI testing isn’t a sign of distrust; it’s a sign of care and respect for your partner(s). 

According to the CDC, there were 2.4 million STIs reported in 2024 (Source). The reality is, STIs are common, and there’s nothing to be ashamed of. Having the conversation is a healthy, safe, and responsible practice towards protecting you and your partner(s). If you’ve been wondering how to ask for an STI test without making things awkward, you’re not alone. 

Tl;DR

• Starting the STI testing conversation with a partner can feel awkward, but it’s one of the most responsible and caring steps you can take for your sexual health and your relationship.
• Not sure how to ask for an STI test? Simple, direct scripts can help you bring it up without judgement.
• Prevention goes beyond testing. Starship’s Foaming Toy Cleaner keeps shared toys hygienic, Trojan Ultra Thin Spermicide Condoms offer reliable, barrier protection, and Dental Dams add a layer of safety for oral sex.
• Open and honest safe sex communication builds trust and helps ensure everyone feels informed, respected, and protected. 

Why Having the Conversation Matters

Talking about STI testing is one of the most important things you can do for not only your sexual health, but also for your relationship. It creates a foundation of transparency and mutual respect. If you or your partner(s) has or have had an STI, it’s not a reflection of character or worth. Many STIs are easily treatable with the right medications, and many people who have them don’t even know it.

The key is to remove judgement from the equation. Getting tested, whether separately or together, is a simple way to show you care about each other’s well-being. When both partners are informed, you can make decisions about your sexual health together. 

Talking Points to Start the Conversation

Have you been struggling to find the perfect way to bring up the conversation with your partner(s)? You’re not alone. Approach the conversation with curiosity, not accusation. Of course, it’s best to have this conversation before engaging in sex of any kind, including oral. Do it outside of the bedroom, in a space that’s comfortable for all of you. Remember, an STI testing conversation doesn’t have to be a one-and-done event. It can be ongoing dialogue as your relationship and circumstances evolve. 

Here are a few ways you can get the conversation started:

• “Let’s make sure we’re both protected. Have you been tested recently?”
• “Do you know if you have any STIs? I’d love for us to get tested together.”
• “Do you have any other sexual partners? I just want to make sure we’re both being safe.”
• “We can enjoy sex more if we know it’s safe. Want to get tested before we take the next step?”

Your partner’s reaction may vary, but how they feel in the moment is valid. Some may feel relieved you brought it up (maybe they’ve been wanting to but were unsure how), while others might feel offended or caught off guard. Give them the space they need to process. And, if one of you does test positive, remember it’s okay to take a moment, however you need. It’s about safety and protecting each other, not blaming anyone. A calm, non-judgmental tone can set the mood and keep things from escalating. 

Prevention Tips to Support Safer Sex

Even if you’re both getting tested regularly, prevention is an on-going practice. Some STIs may not show symptoms for years (or ever), which is why regular testing and protection go hand-in-hand. The good news is, there are simple, effective ways that you can help take care of each other. 

If you and your partner(s) are incorporating toys into your intimacy, keeping them clean is just as important as any other form of protection. Using a cleaner like Starship’s Foaming Toy Cleaner makes it easy to gently, and effectively, clean your toys between uses. This helps reduce the risk of transferring bacteria or infections when sharing. Bonus points if you clean the toys before and after. 

When it comes to creating a physical barrier, Trojan Ultra Thin Spermicide Condoms are a familiar go-to for helping prevent pregnancy and reducing the risk of external STIs. Condoms can also be used on insertable toys that you’re sharing between partners during intimacy. While condoms offer strong protection, it’s worth noting that they cannot protect against all STIs and aren’t 100% effective. However, they remain one of the most reliable and accessible tools for safer sex. 

There’s even ways to protect you during oral sex. Dental dams offer a simple barrier that can help reduce the risk of HIV and other STIs. Similar to condoms, they aren’t guaranteed to protect against all infections, but adding that extra layer of protection can offer peace of mind and allow you to focus on pleasure without worry. 

Bringing it All Together

Starting the conversation about STI testing can feel vulnerable, but it’s also a sign of your strength. When you take the initiative to talk openly about sexual health, you’re showing your partner(s) that you value safety, honesty, and genuinely care about them. Be proud of yourself for wanting to have this conversation! Whether you get tested together, share prevention tips, or simply open up the dialogue to a deeper conversation, you’re practicing safe sex communication that builds a foundation of trust.

Disclaimer: This blog post is for educational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Always consult your doctor with any health concerns.