Inequality in self-pleasure: Why do we champion Women who use sex toys to masturbate and shame men who do the same.

It’s hard to believe that in this day and age there is still shame that hangs around the topic of masturbation. It’s no wonder that less than 9% of women report masturbating each day, while men report around 25%. Still, this is just reporting - how many out there are too ashamed to even admit it?

Benefits of Masturbation

It’s important to remember the benefits of masturbation and why it should be celebrated by everyone. Not only does masturbation feel great, but there are plenty of advantages to pleasuring yourself, including learning about your body, figuring out what you do and don’t enjoy, relieve stress (hello oxytocin!), support sleep, pleasure without risk of unintended pregnancy or STI transmission, and you can do it with or without a partner! Even though it seems like our society progresses a little more each day, what’s the hangup? 

Ditch the Shame

While things do seem to move in a better direction, lest we forget that the foundation of American sexual discourse is rooted to ideologies that make shame a part of the process. Be it the intersection between different sects of fundamentalist Christianity and patriarchal Conservative politics or the general media’s fear of sexuality, one doesn’t have to look far to see why some of us are still preoccupied with masturbation and sexual shame.

Inequality

Stranger still, while positive discourse is associated with female masturbation and sexuality in general, men are often left out of the conversation and could be left to feel shame around the topic. Not that men need to be given any more of a spotlight than they already have, especially when the male point of view has been the reigning perspective which has dominated nearly every aspect of our Western society, but it’s important that everyone should be reminded that self pleasure, and being honest with our sexual selves, is an essential part of life. 

Challenges

When masturbation is on the table for conversation regarding men, it’s either toned down to the point of nonexistence or used as the butt end of a joke -- He’s either a porn addict or a pervert. Continually disregarding male sexuality and masturbation has had an opposite effect on progressive aspirations. The popular Internet trend No Nut November, in which men vow to not masturbate for the entire month of November, has been directly tied to misogynistic hate groups, showing that fear mongering and abstinence-only sexual education is a web of shame that misdirects any and all positive connotations regarding sex.

And if you’re trying to add toys to the mix of self pleasure for men, it becomes even more complicated. Deeply rooted homophobia keeps straight cis men from discovering their undiscovered pleasure center that is the prostate, and those who are already feeling the weight of shame regarding penile masturbation in general are far from traversing that road. 

Time for Change

It’s time to reshape the conversation regarding male masturbation without taking away the focus from women. This is about celebrating pleasure for everyone. Once the curtain of shame is torn away, our inner desires that shape who we are can be explored without antiquated misdirected guilt. No one should ever feel at fault for exploring who they are, regardless of gender or sex, and once general sexuality and masturbation are synonymous with positivity, the world becomes a more equal and beautiful place.

Additional Reading:

https://nationalsexstudy.indiana.edu/

https://www.lelo.com/blog/the-masturbation-gap-what-women-can-learn-from-mens-masturbation-habits/  

https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/love-sex/men-sex-toys-masturbate-liberate-better-lovers-shame-repression-bed-relationships-magnus-sullivan-san-francisco-manshop-better-hand-a7647796.html